A little self discovery...

I normally wouldn't write about this kinda stuff, but it will solidify my experience and maybe touch someone else's life... not that any one reads my blog, which is another reason why I think I am able to get up the gumption to write this on here. 

Today I was sent out of the house by my loving husband who knew I really needed it. He told me to pack up and get out for a few hours, with tears in my eyes I accepted. I know that it was Sunday, but I needed to clear my head. I have been really struggling lately, with school, the kids, and spiritually. I was really run down and just plain ready to give up. I am grateful for a husband who recognized it and gave me the opportunity to leave. So I packed up my books and some water and headed out. I ended up not doing any homework, but the things I learned on my adventure were nothing I would have been able to get out of a book. 

I decided to head out to Snow Canyon. I have never been there before so I thought it would be a fun little adventure. After getting a map I decided on a trail and parked at the trail head. As I sat in my car I decided that I wasn't going to take my homework, I was just going to take a notebook, some water, and my scriptures. I took off down the three ponds trail. It was 3.5 miles round trip. I thought it would be easy enough... but I was wrong. I don't think that it was the length that got me... it was the deep sand wash that I had to go through. I began looking for anyway around it, but realized there just wasn't. So I kept on going. Then I got to a point where I noticed to ladies walking out of another trial. I asked them if it led to the 3 ponds and they said you can either keep walking down the wash or you can go down these little side trails that are shadier. I thought sweet! I found and easier way! I took off down the trial. It was so pretty and so shady that I began looking for other ways around and realized that, that was the only one of that nature so I headed back down the wash. I got to the point that I just stood there... shoes filled with sand to the brim... and was trying to decide whether to move forward or back. I started walking back and then something hit me... I always turn back when the going gets rough, I never believe in myself enough to get to the finish line. At that point I turned around and began running... it lasted all of thirty seconds, but it felt good to be moving forward instead of backwards. After stopping and dumping out my shoes a few more times, I made it. I had made it to the finish. The view wasn't the most spectacular sight I had ever seen, there were a couple little pools of water that were stagnant because there hadn't been any rain, but I was there. I sat down just admiring the colors, especially the red that brings me such great comfort and took in a deep breath. I pulled out my notebook and started writing the thoughts that came to my head. 

The first thing I wrote was my "To Be" list:

proud of myself

more Christ-like

 a happier, more gentle mom

a more loving wife

more friendly to those I don't know

a missionary

more self confident

I then began to write a little more and a few more things came to my head that were profound for me. They meant more than I can even begin to explain. 

"Even a giant has to grow to be that way" 

"Don't give up, Don't look back, and Keep moving  you CAN do it!"

I don't know if I have heard these sayings before, so I can't give credit to someone who said them, I just know that I needed them. The rest of the things I wrote, I won't write here.

I put away my notebook and took one last big inhale of the fresh air. 

As I walked back I began remembering the wash and how difficult it was. 

I remembered what the girls I had run into earlier had said, that there were little trails off to the side that were easier and shadier. I began looking for these trails again. I found one and followed it. It would end, so I would find another one. Then I took one and realized it wasn't going back to the wash. I actually wasn't sure where I was so I just keep walking, after all I was following in footprints that were already there so I thought I was going the right way. I kept walking, and walking, and walking and it really hit me that I went the wrong way I thought about trying to get back to the wash but I didn't know how far away from it I was running really low on water. I said a little prayer and kept following the foot prints. 

I finally came to a service road. I just stood there looking back and forth because I had no idea where I was, just then 3 people walking on that trail came up to me. I asked them if they knew where the trail I needed was and they pulled out a map. Turns out I was about a half mile south of where the trail was. Those nice people were from Wisconsin and we were talking about where we were from and we chatted about Zion. Soon enough I was back on the trail I needed and was on my way home. 

I knew I still had a ways to go, but I knew I was going the right way and I was grateful for those kind people that had helped me. I may have not been as lost as I thought I was, but if they wouldn't have come along and guided me I don't know that I would have chosen the right way. I learned that the current path, the right path may be harder, and other paths may seem more enticing, but in the long run they take longer to get where your going and they make it harder to get back to where you are meant to be. This all related to my life in so many ways. The path is hard, my shoes are weighed down, and I feel like I keep looking for the "easy" trails. I now realize my faults and even though they won't be gone over night, I know my Heavenly Father loves me and that He is always there to guide us back to the right path. He works wonders and His messengers are other brother and sisters here on Earth. There are lots of good people out there to help us, to lead us, and to guide us even if we don't think we need guidance, we do. If we just keep a prayer in our hearts and remember to pray to Him, we will be guided. We can be His messengers and we can help those around us find their way by being there for them and truly caring about their well being. You can't go wrong serving the Lord and being the best you can be. It's a rough trail, but it's the right trail. 

The wash

One of the times I stopped to dump the sand out of my shoes

 

Another part of the trail

I normally don't like putting pictures of myself up anywhere, especially this one because I was tired and sweaty, but this is my first step in being more self confident. :)

This trail would have been a lot more fun had I been in better shape, better prepared, and with someone else, but I knew I wasn't there for an easy hike, I was there for some serious self discovery and I will make sure next time I read the words "deep sand" I will take more caution and I will be more prepared.